Operation Search for Our New Home: Day 5 (Park Slope, Carroll Gardens,Cobble Hill)

What a day! Yesterday (Monday) we probably did the most walking. We left our room around nine thirty and got back about ten hours later. Whew! But we knocked out the rest of Brooklyn, which was the goal.

I have to say I'm so glad I wore my legit tennis shoes. I know I'm so lame and out of shape, but I feel like I've been training for some sort of athletic event.

We had an amazing brunch in Park Slope to start out the morning.

We spent the next couple of hours walking around Park Slope. The brownstones are GORGEOUS and it was nice. But people did seem a little busier and less talkative than in some of the other areas we'd visiting, like Clinton Hill. I think some of that may have been the time of day- moms and nannies out running errands int he morning. I'm just not used to doing my errands with a stroller, ha!

Peyton: 7/10 for safety, beauty, and wonderful restaurants and shops, but pretty expensive and less diversity than some neighborhoods 

SD: 7/10 for gorgeous brownstones and fun shopping and proximity to Prospect Park; drawbacks same as Peyton's 

Anyway, after that we took the subway to Carroll Gardens. We talked to a police officer in the train station and he was very kind and very helptful. He basically said to stay away from East New York, which we were planning to do anyway! Right after we got off the subway, we ran into a couple of ladies and ended up talking to them. They both seemed to be working class and I loved hearing a bit of their story. We walked around Carroll Gardens and I loved the beautiful front gardens. 

Peyton: 8/10 for somewhat diverse, well developed neighborhood and beautiful homes 

SD: 8/10 because I love the front gardens (funny because our yard in Mississippi looks like Hell) and friendly people 

We talked to a big bearded guy named Jeremy and he was very friendly and helpful, too. He told us how Brooklyn natives loved to talk about their neighborhoods because it was such a source of pride for them.

We headed to Cobble Hill and had lunch in a little sandwich place and it was so good. 

We asked a lady about the neighborhood and she was a little terse and short (to be honest, I think she thought we were selling something/prosletzing at first and just had her guard up). 

Peyton: 7/10 for pretty housing and nice people

SD: 7/10 because it was a great neighborhood, but nothing super distinctive 

After getting some ice cream, we headed back to Park Slope by train and then went back to the neigborhoods we had visited on Saturday. We went through Prospect Heights, Fort Greene, Clinton Hill and a little bit into Bed Stuy (which is an area we were cautioned about).

It was an interesting little tour! We walked through Prospect Heights and then crossed Atlantic Avenue, which has a lot of shops on it. Right after you cross that big road you go through a bunch of projects. It was a little unnerving, but not terrible. We talked to a lady who needed her car jumped off. We also talked with a man in the area right after the public housing, which looked really nice. He told us he was going to see a play and that he loves Fort Greene. It's amazing how things can change so fast! We went through another set of projects and this one was a bit rougher. A guy crossed the street and started walking behind us and Peyton told me later that he had heard him jingle something in his pocket. It turned out to be a phone, but Peyton was unnerved and stopped for a minute to sort of throw the guy off. After that we waked through Clinton Hill and into Bed Stuy. That made me a little nervous. It looked a little rough, but we talked with a guy who lived there and he was really chill. We made a block and came back around to Clinton Hill and talked with a middle aged guy who was sitting with his family on his stoop. He said he had been there for thirty years and the neighborhood has always been good. He didn't really seem like he wanted to talk and Peyton and I discussed it later. While gentrification can be a great thing, it can also take families out of their homes by making rent unaffordable. It was sad to think that could happen to this guy. We talked about how difficult it is, too, because it's not something we felt comfortable discussing with him and likely he didn't feel comfortable talking to us about it because not only would it be awkward, but it would put him in a very vulnerable position to have to be so honest like that.

We came back to the room and Peyton picked up take out. I went to bed happy for the experiences, but also a little sad for that guy and with an understanding of what a spoiled, naive white girl I am.

We're having such a good time, but such a huge chunk of my heart is back home with these people:

Operation Search for Our New Home: Day 4 (Hell's Kitchen, Morningside Heights, Manhattanville)

We decided to go to a church service yesterday (Sunday) evening which worked out well since we had been out late the night before. We got started and headed over to Hell's Kitchen first.

Favorite shoes!

We went through Times Square and had some (kind of mediocre) pizza on "Restaurant Row".

(Times Square gives me about as much anxiety as the tranvestites at the bar. Too many people, too much going on.) 

Anyway, Hell's Kitchen was not our favorite.

Peyton: 4/10 for lack of attractiveness and community interaction, few young children; however it felt safe

SD: felt safe, however very few things to do, park was dirty, and streets were busy and cluttered

Our next stop was Morningside Heights. We really liked it. We talked to one super friendly family. Both parents were professors at Columbia and they had two beautiful little boys. They were an interracial couple (I just mention that because we're really interested in diversity). 

Peyton: 6/10 for beautiful sorroundings, serene atmosphere, and community; lacked enough diverity

SD: 6/10 for quaint atmosphere, sweet families, and racial diversity; drawback is lots of college students, not as many families.

Our last stop for the day was Manhattanville (West Harlem). It was not our favorite. At all. 

Peyton: 2/10 because it seemed unsafe but it was very affordable

SD: 1/10 because it felt pretty sketch (NYPD presence at the subway station, lots of graffiti, ect.), no pretty housing, no green space, and it just felt like a concrete jungle

We got back early, chilled out some and then went to church (Trinity Grace Church in Chelsea) at five. The sermon was about evangelism and was really good! 

We ate and turned in early! 

Operation Search for Our New Home: Day 3 (Fort Greene, Clinton Hill,and Prospect Heights and Prospect Lefferts Gardens)

I didn't blog last night because I don't write if I can't write truth and yesterday the truth hurt too much to write. Basically, Peyton and I had a fuss (not even a fight really) and I went to bed so hurt and lonely. I'll get to that, though. I've got to talk about our great day first.

But before that, I kind of owe Peyton an apology/everyone else an explantaion. In my last post, I talked about how Peyton said Mississippi didn't have any culture. However, he corrected me and said that he was the one who actually talked about the great writers from Mississippi and he was going to bring that up but I interupted him. Pretty much, he was just saying we didn't have much "high art", but we have TONS of great culture (which I agree with and I kind of want to write a whole post about).

Onto our day now...

We had a great day yesterday (Saturday). We didn't get a super early start or anything, so it was midmorning by the time we got going. We took the subway over to Brooklyn and started out in Fort Greene.

 Every time we get on the subway I have these awful daymares about Graves letting go off my hand and jumping off the platform and getting hit by a train. It's irrational (like most all my anxiety triggers), but it feels paralyzing. 

We went to the farmer's market, the Brooklyn Flea, and checked out the streets. 

It was clearly a hit!

Peyton: 8/10 for beautiful architecture, open sky, and weekly markets

SD: 9/10 for gorgeous housing, tree lined streets, and young families. It seemed pretty hipster but we loved it

We had lunch and then headed to Clinton Hill.

 In Clinton Hill, we talked to a few residents, met a realtor for an open house, and then stumbled upon a block party. We talked to two families at the party and both LOVED the neighborhood.

Clinton Hill seemed to have a really great vibe and we were loving Brooklyn.

Peyton: 8/10 for lots of friendliness, diversity and safety. 

SD: 9/10 for a "neighborhood" feel, friendliness, huge smiles and lots of little ones. 

After that we took a bus over to Prospect Heights and walked the streets, talked to a couple of people, and went to the Park.

I can't wait to take Annie here and blow her tiny mind.

Another Brooklyn neighborhood to add to the list!

Peyton: 7/10 for library and park access. 

SD: 7/10 for the same reasons and nice, well kept housing.

Our last neighborhood was Prospect Lefferts Gardens.

I think this is out, pretty much.

Peyton: no score because we didn't have time to revisit and our visit was super short 

SD: 3/10 because I've heard some good things and prices were reasonable but overall I didn't like how urban it felt and the streets we saw didn't seem very family friendly. Proximity to the Botanical Garden is pretty cool, though!

We came home and took naps- it was about six and by the time I woke up and talked to Minnie it was nine. We showered and went out for the night. 

Peyton really wanted to go dancing. There was this cute little bar in Jackson we used to go to and dance and he (we!) miss it. Anyway, the first bar/club was sort of fun. They played a mix of current music and nineties stuff like "Get Low". It was mostly all goofy white people and it was HYSTERICAL. One guy in light khaki cargo shorts and tennis shoes was particularly hilare. I told Peyton I was sure they about to start the "Tootsie Roll".  We had fun and even danced a bit, but couldn't get into it, so we decided to check out another club with eighties music that Peyton was really excited about.

On the way there we ran into this sweet girl. She actually stopped us to say how cute I was (what??) SHE was so cute and bubbly and we ended up talking for several blocks until we got where we were going.

Y'all it was SO loud and SO bright and- this was hardest for me- there were several tranvestites there. I smiled and acted like I was having fun, but it was total culture shock. We danced some and when we left I just broke down and cried. It just made me sad and I was completely overwhelmed. I even told Peyton the next morning that it sort of upset me that one smiled at me. I almost wanted to not like him. I know that is TERRIBLY wrong and this is stretching me in a huge way.

Poor Peyton was so disappointed. I don't really blame him, but I was sad because I tried so hard. I know he just wanted to figure out something where we could have fun and be romantic like the early days. But I just felt awful because I was trying desperately to open my heart to this place and I felt like I was being met with a total lack of support.

We went to bed without talking and I was in tears. I wanted my babies so bad. It's a terrible coping mechanism, but last time we fought I got Graves out of bed and snuggled with him. I think it was good for me to not have that, but it was so hard. I needed to be affirmed and I got increasingly angry with Peyton. I started thinking about the kids I honestly thought (I know this is horrible and NOT really how I feel) "How can they be so amazing and wonderful and be half of him??"

We had a GREAT day today and resolved everything! 

Operation Search for Our New Home: Day 2 (East Village)

We got a slow start this morning (Friday). Peyton had a meeting with a Walgreens manager  around lunch so we decided to stay close to the "lodge". We just took our time getting ready and had a late breakfast and walked around Chelsea (I found out today it's a huge hub for the gay population in the city, which is interesting). Peyton went to his meeting and I stayed in the room and researched some more about Brooklyn.

When he got back we got ready to go out for the day. We spent the whole afternoon in the East Village.

Eating and walking is not my strong suit. 

It was interesting and we both had a pretty good feeling about it. There are some really neat community developments.

Community Center and Botanical Gardens

We actually visited a bit with two different people. With the first lady, Peyton stopped by a car and alarmingly mentioned that there were two sleeping babies inside it. A lady rushed up and told us that they were hers. I was pretty shocked, but after she told us what was going on (it was still questionable in my opinion) we started visiting. She told us a lot about the area and how much she loved it and was very talkative and friendly. The second girl was sitting on a stoop outside a community center. Peyton and I started talking to her and she asked about what the culture and arts were like in Mississippi. Peyton told her mostly about all the great writers from home and discussed how a lot of beautiful stories came out of our state's dark history, mainly acknowledging the racial tension that for so long defined it. [Peyton is really good at reading people and he told me later that he thinks sometimes when people ask about Mississippi "culture" they really want to talk about just that. And of course, he (we) are happy to.]

We also went in several fun shops and ate some and checked out the area park.

Thrifting and I found this on the $5 rack (plus two cute dresses!). Cost of living what?? ;)

The atmosphere on the streets was really neat and varied. I love this city scape.

And I wasn't expecting so much green to be lining this street in Alphabet City. 

But like I said some of the housing stock left something to be desired, so...not sure we'll land here. 

Here's our overall feeling:

Peyton gave the East Village 7 out of 10 for diversity and friendliness of people. I gave it a 6 out of 10 for the same reasons, plus community resources. However, I felt like the housing stock was a bit lacking. 

Something I am sure about is how much I miss these two pumpkins.

She's been telling Minnie all the rules and jumping in puddles; he rubbed peanut butter in his hair and fak-reaked out about the thunder. 

I had my first little breakdown tonight. We are having a GREAT time, but I miss them a lot. Also, I just had one of those panics I get about Graves jumping off the subway platform and being hit by a train. I talked to Minnie and she was about in tears because she loves them so much and I think is really starting to intensely grieve the move. It was just a hard night after a great day. Tomorrow we're checking out some Brooklyn neighborhoods and I'm ready for it!


[Edited for accuracy: the original post read: Peyton told her there was none and I told her well we had some good writers. She asked if we were writers and Peyton told her I loved to write on my blog. I about died. She ran inside to get a piece of paper so I could write down the address, though. Goodness. Peyton is adamant that this is not what happened. I trust him and his perception since he was the one speaking. I want my blog to be an accurate portrayal of our lives, not just a portrayal of what I see of our lives through my own limited vision.]

Operation Search for Our New Home: Day 1 (Arrival)

We made it! I have to say that I've felt The Lord has been so sweet to me over the last couple of days. First of all, Minnie called me yesterday to tell me that she had run into an old friend at T.J. Maxx who was shopping with her daughter WHO IS MOVING TO NYC FOR SCHOOL and wants to find people to connect with. Minnie said she was so cute and sweet and her mom even said she had been praying for her daughter that she'd find a family of believers in the city that could sort of mentor her. It gives me chills. I really hope we can connect and be an encouragment to each other.

But onto today's events:

We had a pretty rough night with the kids last night. They were up late and then Graves woke up at like four in the morning. It wasn't great. Anyway, we woke up and got ready and Peyton cut the yard....it really needed to be done. My parents came over and my dad took us to the airport after we kissed the kids goodbye. It was tough, but not near as bad as I expected. I've been so worried about the actual flight for some reason (I never worried about flying before I had kids). I actually wrote up a makeshift will at two in the morning before we left:

It's been so long since we've flown! This was the last time-- Annie was tiny and Graves was in my tummy (and was making it hard to keep much else in it). We went to Chicago to see one of Peyton's good friends run the marathon. Our next big trip will be for the wedding of that same friend and we'll have our girl with us again!

Anyway, we got checked in and made it to the gate and had some time to just relax. We were headed to Charlotte first and then onto La Guardia. We boarded towards the end and got the last of the two seat rows. I overheard a girl asking a flight attendent if there were any more seats with two together because she wanted to nurse her baby during take off and landing (the plance was cozy!). So Peyton and I spilt up so she and babykins could be more comfortable. It sounds strange, but lately few things cause me to feel such a sense of purpose as supporting a stranger.

Our flight from Charlotte to NYC had a lot of delays. We ended up visiting with the guy in the seat next to me and he was SO friendly. I know it's an (awful!) stereotype but I just assume Northerners won't be. His kids both live in NYC (he lives in Connecticut) and he gave us tons of advice. When we got off the plane he gave us his phone number. He left the airport but then came back a few minutes later to give us some advice about getting a cab. It literally gave me such a sense of happiness- this being blessed by a stranger. 

Our cab driver was also very friendly and helpful. We finally made it to the "lodge" we're staying at:

The room is tiny and the potty is down the hall. But CHEAP so...yay! 

We ate dinner outside on the sidewalk at a nice Italian restaurant and watched the world go by.

After supper, we walked around Chelsea (the area we're staying in) and called it a night. 

Honestly, I've loved today. We've met so many warm, kind people. And the apartments in this area are really neat- a lot have little flower beds in the front. I'm looking forward to tomorrow! 

The Search (for our new home) Continues

So, our big exploring trip to NYC is THURSDAY. Like this Thursday.

In some ways, the trip really snuck up on us, but in some ways it's been a long time coming. We've been planning it for months and it's finally here! I'm sure this is a huge foretaste of what the real thing will feel like in January.

I have to say I'm a little nervous for a couple of reasons. For one thing: pressure. I mean obviously this trip is kind of a big deal. We really want to narrow down the area(s) we'd like to live. I'm okay with coming home and having two or three different neighborhoods on our radar, but what I don't want is to come home as lost and overwhelmed as (or more lost and overwhelmed than) I am now.  

But also I'm nervous because I'm pretty sure it will bring to the surface a lot of emotions. In one way, I know it will actually be (emotionally) harder than the real thing because I won't have my babies. But physically it's going to be a lot easier because I WON'T HAVE MY BABIES. Also, there's just the fact that I know it's going to make everything feel really real. It's actually going to happen...and relatively soon!

If I seem apprehensive it's because I am. I've been really, really looking forward to the trip, but this past week I just got so overwhelmed thinking about it.

At the same time, I know it will be fun to spend time together with just Peyton (we haven't both been a part from Graves for like more than six hours since he was born!). I also know it's going to be good for me to go up there and enjoy what the city offers in a temperate climate and without my two favorite buddies before the real thing happens.

Peyton has worked out the Manhattan itinerary and I've nailed down what we're trying to see in Brooklyn. I have a lot to do tonight and tomorrow to get ready, but I can't wait to see the place we'll call home in a few months!

Oh, and I'm planning to blog each day- probably brief posts. I don't usually do that on trips but for this one it seemed like a fun idea to chronicle this part of the journey!

Transparency in the City

If you read my main blog, you know that I'm pretty much an open book. If I'm struggling with something (except in rare cases and usually when it would involve telling someone else's story) it's there. That's the way I blog. That's the way I write. That's the way I live. It's the only way I know how to do any of it. And it feels right.

But in this space, I have to admit, I'm a little scared. I started a post awhile back that's really not even that big a deal. It's not nearly the most raw thing I've written. It's a "sad" post, but nothing crazy vulnerable. I shouldn't feel worried about publishing it, but for some reason I do.

I think there are several reasons for this. I talked to Ashley and Carrie about it the last time we were together and that was really good for me. Basically:

1. I'm nervous about being transparent with my feelings because I don't want to seem ungrateful for this opportunity. I *know* this is not something that every family can do. Practically speaking, there aren't just a ton of jobs like retail pharmacy where you can just pick up, move for a year (or two...or three) and move back. The thing is, just because something is a blessing and a privilege doesn't mean you don't get to struggle with it and find tension in it. I learned this the hard way with mothering. God has a way of humbling me and he did it big time the last few years. I used to get extremely frustrated when I would here stay at home moms complain about how hard and long their days were. There was one lady in particular who would tell me how hard it was to shuffle her two kids around and I thought "Really? I mean, REALLY?" And now I'm all "Really. I mean, REALLY." And in one sense, I still do understand how it seems ungrateful at best and like privileged drivel at worst. But at the same time, it *is* hard. Just because I'm so fortunate I can stay home with my kids it doesn't mean I won't have hard days. And it shouldn't mean I can't talk about them. And just because Peyton and I get to do this and live our "dream" doesn't mean I don't get to struggle with the hard parts of it.

2. I worry that people will find my honesty annoying because obviously this was a CHOICE. It would be different if we had to move for a job, or we were called to the mission field or whatever. This is not those. But at the same time, many things in life are based on choices, at least on some level, and that doesn't negate the right to be honest about the hard parts of them. I mean it was a choice to marry Peyton and it was a choice to have children (I mean, kind of...it was unexpected with Annie, but we chose to have sex...as most married people do). I talk about the hard parts of those things all the time.

3. It's hard for me to be completely open about my feelings because I've defended this to people SO much. Mostly, people are really encouraging and affirming in our decision to do this. But sometimes, I get the "are you crazy?" looks and "Are you sure?" comments. And to be honest, sometimes they're from people who know me well, who LOVE me well, and are just worried because they know it won't be easy. But, I get to state my case for why this is important, I get to share the the parts I'm excited about, I get to fill my mind with the happy things. And then I get to write scared.

I'm telling myself all this, mostly. And I know I'll probably look back on this post a lot over the next couple of years to remind myself that it's okay.

It's okay to write scared.

It's okay to write nervous.

It's okay to write sad.

But it's also okay to write happy. It's okay to write dreaming. It's okay to write optimistic. And when I do, it doesn't take away my right to write scared, nervous and sad.

I can do both.

I will do both.

Thanks for coming along for the ride.